What to do if your daughter has postpartum depression.

Note from Beth: I know without my mom's understanding I never would have gotten through this. She was always there to talk to; she came over when I needed her; she let me come over whenever I was in a panic. Please do not judge and be supportive. Whether you are near or far, just being there is what matters.

Part II: Is It Baby Blues, Postpartum Depression or Something Else?
What to Do if Your Daughter or Daughter-in-Law Has Postpartum Depression
By Susan Adcox, About.com
See More About:
postpartum depression
baby blues
therapy
anti-depressant
emotional health
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What happens after you have analyzed the symptoms that your daughter or daughter-in-law is experiencing and have decided that postpartum depression (PPD) is a definite possibility?
Doing nothing is not an option. The mother with PPD is suffering, and her baby could be suffering also. If the depression is severe, the baby may not be getting the level of care and attention that he or she needs. Less severe depression can still cause a lack of bonding between parent and child. In one or two cases per thousand, the mother actually develops postpartum psychosis. For the sake of both mother and child, you must take action.
Starting the Conversation
If you have a good relationship with your daughter or daughter-in-law, you may want to approach her yourself. If you are the grandmother, you can take a woman-to-woman approach.
Simone* Says:
My mom was the greatest help to me even though she lives on the other side of the Atlantic. She went through the same thing after she had my younger sister. My grandmother ended up taking me, my mom and my sister in and looking after us for about a year. We talked on the phone a lot, and it helped so much to hear my mom, who did such a good job raising us, talk about having feelings exactly the same as mine.
If the direct approach does not seem advisable or does not work, the father can be tapped to encourage the mother to seek help. This works, of course, only if the marital relationship is relatively sound.
A third approach can be to utilize some other person. The mother’s ob/gyn or midwife is a natural choice. A pastor or other spiritual advisor may be able to help.
Margo Says:
Among the people who helped the most were my pediatrician and my ob/gyn. I had a c-section, so I was still seeing my ob/gyn for that. He was a family friend--I babysat for his children when I was a teenager--so I felt closer to him than you might normally feel.
What Grandparents Can Do
Mothers with PPD may need therapy and/or medication. Other strategies, however, may help by relieving some of the more stressful situations in the mother’s life. As the grandparent, you are in a good position to enable some of these strategies.
Offer to help with the baby so the new mother can sleep. Sleep deprivation is huge in many episodes of PPD. Often the mother has difficulty sleeping, so having the opportunity to sleep doesn’t always work, but it is a simple solution that is worth a try.
Offer to keep the baby so that the baby’s parents can go out. It’s good to have this happen as soon as possible, so that the parents know that they and the baby can survive a few hours of separation.
Bring up the topic of the mother’s feelings. Mothers often feel guilty that they have any feelings other than unmitigated joy. Let the mother know that it is okay to feel tired, resentful, overwhelmed and neglected.
Get the new mother out of the house. Take the mother and baby out for lunch, or for a stroll. If there is a problem, such as the baby crying, the mother does not have to deal with it alone.
Reassure the mother. Many mothers with PPD feel inadequate, and as the grandparent, you are uniquely positioned to allay those fears. Don’t be gushy, and don’t lie. But do focus on those things that the mother does well and reassure her that she can do things for her child that no one else can do. If you are the mother-in-law, you have special power, as most young women want to make a good impression on their in-laws. Approval and validation from you will be especially powerful.
Serious Help for PPD
Sometimes just talking about the situation and taking some common-sense steps will help. If not, PPD must be treated much like any other type of depression, with therapy and/or medication. Breast-feeding mothers will want to avoid medication if at all possible. If the depression does not abate with therapy, however, it may be best for the mother to take one of the medications that is considered safe for breastfeeding, or even to stop breastfeeding. These are decisions that will need to be made with the help of a professional.
Therapy does not have to be the traditional one-on-one mode. Group therapy can be especially effective since mothers with PPD may feel isolated.
Simone Says:
I joined a support group that met once a week to talk about all kinds of issues, and it really helped to meet other mothers who had gone or were going through it too. The group also helped me to realize that no mother is perfect. We all have problems, and we all need support. I also met other moms for playdates, outside a support group, and going out to the park. Even when my son was too small to go on the swings, getting out and getting fresh air and doing something fun instead of sitting in the house with a newborn was a lifesaver. It was hard to find the energy to even go to the park, but I'm so glad I did. I've made some wonderful friends, for me and my son.
Awareness and Self-Help Strategies
In some cases, merely being aware that one's emotional health is a bit precarious can avert an episode.
Laurie Says:
By the time my third child arrived, my husband and I both were a little more savvy about the baby blues. Erik was home from the hospital for a week or so when my husband made some kind of joke that really touched a nerve with me. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I remember very loudly telling him this was NOT a good time to say that. He promptly fell all over himself apologizing, because we both knew exactly what was going on, and a crisis was averted.
Simone Says:
I realized that the only one who could actually get me out of the depression was me. Support from others helped, but I was the only one who could actually change it. Taking it day by day, getting out of the house, and trying to incorporate non-Mom activities in my life--reading, painting my toenails, small things like that--all helped.
With time and some support, most episodes of PPD can be resolved without lasting effects on the mother or baby. As the grandparent, however, you shouldn’t trust to chance. If you are kind, caring and never, ever judgmental, your daughter’s or daughter-in-law’s bout with postpartum depression can prove to be a positive relation-building episode.
*Not her real name
More About Postpartum Depression
Postpartum: Does It Have to be a Bumpy Ride?Postpartum PsychosisPPD and Postpartum Thyroid Disease
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