Today I write from the heart....

Today I am deciding to write from the heart as my son turns 3 years old today. Where has the time gone? I remember when he was born and everyone told me to enjoy him as it would go so fast and I would not remember him being so tiny, I thought that they were crazy to say that. However, it is so true. I look at the hundreds of pictures that I have taken of him and when I see him so tiny I think, "I cannot remember him being so small."

I go back and ask myself was it because of my postpartum depression or is this just normal?

So as I reflect over the last three years I know that I am back to being myself. When he was born I remember being so nervous and anxious. I did not know that I had ppd for four months, I held my son so tight because I knew that he would be there for me, he would help me get through this. We got through! Through all the anxiety, panic attacks, fears, insomnia, etc., we made it. Although I can think back and be in the moment and remember the fears, my son is a healthy, happy and loving child. Do I think he remembers those first few months, no. I think he will always remember a very caring and loving mother. I never let him suffer for one moment. That is why I sought out help. I could never let him be effected by my not being well.

So if you are a new mother and think that you have any signs of postpartum depression, you can make it through. Please talk to others, see your doctor and get the help that you need. You will get through it. I know, I did! I am posting a paragraph from my book and it sums it all up:

"....I still look back at the hundreds of pictures that I have taken over this
year and I know with looking at each one of them if I was either having a good
day or a bad day. Although I remember what was going on in my mind, Bradley
does not. He smiles in each picture and even if I had disturbing thoughts, he
never felt them. His smile says it all. His happiness meant everything to me and
that is why I fought to get back to being the person that I know that I am. The
more recent pictures that I have taken and I look at now, I know that I am truly
happy. My smile says it all."
Quote from Book..My Baby's Smile. My Journey and Recovery Through Postpartum Depression.
http://www.booklocker.com/books/3938.html